Surprising Insights #4: Relationships that Click

This is a really interesting chapter.  Rainer cites a number of other studies which indicate that relationships are highly significant for people connecting to a church.  The received wisdom is that relationships matter, but in this chapter he outlines this particular study’s surprising findings.  The methodological nuances take a bit of careful thought to get through, but they’re worth it!  

Two significant differences between this study’s and other studies’ findings are identified.  1. The reasons the formerly unchurched chose a particular church are complex and cannot be simplified to one or two major issues.  2. Relationships is an important factor, but not the overwhelming reason as some other studies suggest.  

Five major conclusions are outlined:

1. Relationships Are Very Important
2. Rarely Do Relationships Alone Explain the Best Way to Reach the Unchurched
3. God Sometimes Works to Reach the Unchurched Without Using Any Relationships
4. Family Relationships Are the Most Important
5. The Wife is the Most Important Relationship in Reaching the Unchurched

The formerly unchurched were asked, ‘If a family member influenced you to come to church, which person was most influential?’  The highest score was 35% - ‘wives’.  The next highest was 18% - ‘children’ and then 16% for ‘other’.  Parents, siblings and parents-in-law returned 9, 5 and 2%.  Husbands didn’t even score. 

Rainer observes that women are, on anecdotal evidence, more likely to visit a church without any relational connection, whereas men are not likely to visit a church where they do not know anybody.  

The end result, in my opinion, is that women tend to be over-represented in churches.  The good news is that wives are such an important relationship for reaching unchurched husbands - one third of respondents!  So, how many churches do you know about with an intentional ministry to help wives reach their unconverted husbands?  St Alfred’s doesn’t have one… yet.