Is it appropriate for a single woman to be a mother?

...sperm donor, fostering, adoption etc.. (the question goes on to note).
(Take a deep breath, answer carefully...)  The first thing to say is that I know of single mothers who have done a great job, under the most challenging of conditions.  So this isn't a discussion about the capacity of a single woman to be a great mom.  The question is about 'appropriateness'.
Let's start with the idealised context for parenthood: two perfect people, a man and a woman, united in the covenant relationship of marriage.  There you go, it doesn't exist because nobody's perfect.  From that starting point, we are then talking about 'best-case scenarios' out of a whole pile of less than ideal situations.
I'm married, we have kids.  They are no doubt going to be afflicted with their parents' imperfections!  Yet, that's a better situation than if I were a single father, or if my wife were a single mother.  Two parents are often better than one simply because it takes a lot of hands to do nappies, washing, cleaning up, feeding and bathing.  Unless of course one parent is a complete layabout.
Now, if you're a single woman asking the question above, it might pay to think about why you're considering motherhood.  Is it about you and your needs/ wants/ desires?  Or is about serving others?  That's a quintessentially Christian question to ask.
That would be the difference between sperm donation or surrogate motherhood and adoption or fostering. The former smacks of being more about a self-centred desire to be a mother, the latter about serving children who need help.  'Service above self' is the Christian way to go.
I can think of situations where a single woman might serve by fostering or adopting kids, but, again, this is a best-case out of a pile of less-than-ideal situations.  In Australia, I suspect that it would be hard (probably impossible) for a single person to legally adopt or formally foster children.
Christian communities, families and friendships are so important in this area.  I know lots of single people who get so much from meaningful, lasting and 'parental'-type relationships with their friends' children.  (And it's great for the kids too.)  Hint: single people can make fantastic godparents.  Find ways of being included in single and family life.

Is the Bible telling women to be more assertive in romance? (Like Ruth was with Boaz.)

When we looked at Ruth chapter three in our sermon series, we observed that Ruth was pretty bold, risk-taking and assertive in her pursuit of marriage with Boaz. But we also noticed many things about their cultural context that are very different to ours.
Lots of social expectations are deeply embedded in the particulars of our culture, history and context so it's impossible to be definitive. Instead of rules, wisdom is required! And on wisdom, the Bible has no shortage of things to say to us:

 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
  but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
 A word aptly spoken 

  is like apples of gold in settings of silver. (Proverbs 25:11)

Or one of my favourites:

 Like a gold ring in a pig's snout,
  is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion (Proverbs 11:22)

What the Proverbs, and the wisdom of the Bible, tells us is that words should be used carefully, strategically and wisely. They are powerful. The Bible also tells us that physical beauty and attraction is literally only skin-deep and deceptive - dangerously so. That doesn't mean 'dress like a dag' and 'speak like a shotgun'. But it does mean that as much as we attend to appearance (which is a celebration of God's goodness and beauty in creation), we should all the more attend to godliness of character and wisdom in speech.
So, 'to be assertive or not in romance?' No easy answers. No blanket prohibition, nor open warrant.
Ruth took risks for the sake of God's plan to redeem and to save, and was assertive with Boaz. He was already known as a man of godliness, who would probably respond positively, as he did. So perhaps this is the lesson from Ruth: to be bold if you think that together you could make a greater advance for God's plans for good, than you could alone.

Is there joy to be found in singleness? How do I find it?

Yes, there certainly is!  The promise of life in the Spirit is love, joy and peace - so let's not forget the joy!  The Letter of James is instructive.  Especially chapter one.

v2 - Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds.  That is, the challenges of life are to be met with an attitude of 'pure joy'!  Why?  Because, v12, those who stand the test, will receive the crown of life that God promises to those who love him.  Our joy is in the anticipation of a deferred - and great - reward.  But our joy is also in our present circumstance, v16-18, knowing that the eternal and unchanging God is caring for us, giving us good and perfect gifts, choosing us to be the first-fruits of his creation.

v22 famously reminds us not to be merely hearers of the Word, but doers also lest we deceive ourselves.  What is that Word to singles?  Why, it is 1 Corinthians chapter seven, which points out the freedom (and joy) that singles can have to be devoted to serving God and serving others.  From that service, comes great joy.

When I reflect on my own life, I think that the periods of greatest joy have been when I've been less focussed on my own circumstances, precisely because I've been busy serving others and working for the good of some larger project.  These have, typically, been challenging times of hard work, overcoming obstacles and even frustrating times of working with (would you believe it) people who don't agree with me in every detail.  But the joy has come from seeing us together achieve something that none of us could have done alone, something of value to God's kingdom.

Is there a burden on the guys in church to evangelise more bloke friends for all the single women?

What a great question!  I think the answer is, 'Absolutely'!  And I'm not just being cheeky.  From a general perspective, every believer has to respond to Jesus' Great Commission to go and make disciples.
The fact that there are proportionately more single women in most of our churches lends a certain pastoral edge to the already urgent task of evangelism.
Having said all that, ladies, I'm not recommending descending en masse on the newly converted cute guy sitting in the back row.

Why is singleness so often considered second best (including in the church)?

I think there is incredible pressure on us to normalise marriage, family, 2.3 kids and to marginalise singles.  Both the prevailing church culture in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne and the overall culture of urban and suburban Australia do this (to a certain extent).  Consider some typical movie or tv show narratives: families are often fun and 'normal', singles are eccentric and odd-ball-funny.  Every rom-com has a marriage narrative weaving through it.  So no wonder we buy the message that marriage is best, singleness is second best.

The related question of what we can do about it, on the basis of what we've learnt from 1 Corinthians chapter 7, is a good one.  I think just having our teaching series has been a start.  Giving singles 'stage-time' and an acknowledged leadership presence in our community is another.  Inviting quality leaders to speak who are single, is yet another.  I'm not yet convinced of the value of a distinctly 'singles' ministry - see this parody of them: Surviving Church as a Single. 

Any other ideas?

Is singleness a symptom of the fallen world?

Yes, it is.  Because God's original design, that we read about in Genesis 2, was for a man and a woman to be united together in marriage. Marriage ideally fulfils our deep, created need for relationship and intimacy. But because of Genesis 3 (the fall, the fallen world, sin coming into creation) even the best marriages now don't work they way they should. So...

Singleness and marriage, the way they are both experienced today, are symptomatic of how imperfect the world really is.  As I said on Sunday (download from here) each of the three great monotheistic religions of the world - Judiasm, Christianity and Islam - value marriage highly, but ONLY Christianity affirms singleness as inherently positive.

Seen in the Christian light, singleness is therefore an opportunity to shine as a positive example of God's power to redeem.

Hope that helps!

Sarahs' small group

Yup, that's not a misplaced apostrophe.  There's a St Alf's small group with multiple 'Sarah's in it.  Tom nearly got his name changed by deed poll just to fit in.  I visited last night to lead the discussion/ study on singleness.  I think the group had fun and a useful, encouraging time.  If you're in a St Alf's young adults' group and would like me to come along to do this, just ask!  I'd be more than happy to.

Redeeming Relationships - Singleness

We've come to the end of this sermon series at St Alfred's.  I don't think I've ever received such an amount of positive feedback about the relevance and applicability of a teaching series before!  Our 10 minute Bible reflection - 10 minute panel interview - 10 minute Q&As format worked a treat.  However, we went over time with Q&As each time, and there are a pile of questions that we just didn't get to.  I'm proposing to tackle them here, beginning with:


Q: That guy Doddy looks hot.  Can I have his phone number?
A: Not from me, you can't.  But you know where to find him next Sunday at 6pm!