"Singles often get left behind by their paired-off friends". Comment.

Sorry for the week's absence!  I'm continuing to work through our questions from St Alfred's Redeeming Relationships teaching series.  The assertion above isn't actually the question that was asked, but I had to find a way to summarise the email I received.  It went something like this:

- in the teaching on Sunday, it was said that when a friend pairs off, you need to allow the new partner to become their 'main support' and withdraw a little

- ok, but what if this happens a couple of times in a row, and you're left as the single person with no support?  

- as a single, what do you do? 

I think this is a great question!  And it highlights again what we said repeatedly in this series - that relationships happen in a wider context than just two people.  And that the church community has a big role to play in caring for singles, marrieds, 'datings', 'recently broken-ups' etc. etc..  Just as Jesus came not to be served but to serve, Christians should look firstly to serve others in relationships.  

For the friend who is newly partnered, this means recognising that your new relationship has an impact on older friendships.  Enjoying a new relationship does not mean completely dumping existing friendships - we can do both, in godliness.  Do include single friends in your newly partnered/ married/ newborn-child lifestyle.  Don't assume they're not interested, have stopped loving you, or have nothing to contribute.  

If you're the single who is beginning to find yourself 'unsupported' and 'alone', then being open about this with your wider Christian community is a first step towards helping them love you better.  You can take the initiative to care for others (single or not), and to remake and remodel patterns of friendship and social activity.  I'm close to a single person who decided to have a birthday party in a park, with heaps of child-friendly activities, and heaps of married friends with kids.  The late John Stott was noted for - among other things - his love for children, and their love for him! 

Leaders within the church have special responsibilities to care for and love people, including organising and influencing the culture of the group.  My own sense of this has increased all the more through this teaching series (and blog!).  If you're the praying type, please do pray for wisdom and love from God, for me, for each of those in my care.